I’m only crying on the inside

Sylvia Pelissero

It’s hard to remain positive at the moment. It’s hard to say that tomorrow will be great. There doesn’t seem to be a lot to look forward to. Life has a way of overcoming you. How do you keep yourself motivated and moving forward when the things you used to take for granted have been taken away? It can be depressing, what’s the point?

Sleep in a little longer, eat shit food, maybe even have a few more drinks and pass on the exercise for today; do it tomorrow, next week, next month etc.

That glass is certainly half empty at the moment, even the sunshine is duller these days; sit and watch the dark clouds roll in and wait for the rain.

The brave new world isn’t panning out the way we thought it would; enduring this current situation, it’s more now than ever, the challenges that come to the surface when trying to stabilise thinking, to live in the moment and not to question things.

How long will it last? No one can say. There are those who just dismiss it:

“Its just a conspiracy, I don’t get down, move on and man up!”

Well, for some that’s pretty easy to do. If you have the personality to deal with it. Do you have the resolve to bounce back again and again, or do you need help?

As a band, Garrow Hill are no strangers to felling lost, struggling with depression and anxiety and finding it hard to not let those dark thoughts overtake you, as of course, do most people. 

There is extra pressure these days, there are unusual demands on society, liberty, the fear of our health, financial security, education, employment, family and the small things we call pleasure.

People often overlook the part that entertainment can play in life. As musicians, we feel the importance of music in particular, is hugely important to us, as music fans and as performers. Our culture in this country has a long history of arts, sport, live events and entertainment, and we have been using music ourselves as a voice and a way of relieving our creativity, without it, we would not have the compass to point us where to go.

We need to escape. Having literature, art, film, theatre and music lets us express ourselves, but the sheer joy for us of playing and performing, writing music and producing art is something we all have taken for granted and now, its struggling.

Live music is taking a direct hit and meeting the unknown head on. The wait however, has no time limit just yet, taking out a vital part of the machine for bands like us to connect and communicate with people. But how can it be a priority when there are more important things to worry about, right?

Of course this is true in part and should not be trivialised by writing about how we are longing to return to the stage, no matter how valid it is. This is not a self loathing, feel sorry for us plea!

Nor can we ignore the future of the institutions of our venues and the staff, though supporting and hoping these independent community gig haunts can survive and return soon is deep in our thoughts; it’s the life blood of what we, and many hundreds, thousands of bands depend on.

We have seen close at hand, personally, the impact that the virus has had on our families and community and know only too well the devastation that any loss can have. Hoping for an end or normality can seem like a longing for the clocks to go back, it seems that the future means embracing it and working through it.

Accepting change is the hard part. Do we know how to cope? The stresses and struggles of day to day life are now more complex and those days when freedom was not a guilty pleasure, has been chipped away, threatened and diminished.

So what about seeking help and speaking to each other? Is it something we can ignore, will it just blow over? We can always just carry on living through social media and hope that does the trick. 

It is tough out there. But what now?

The days that we can get back out there and perform again are of course the main reason for doing what we do and making this a reality again is something we are working towards.

We have struggled as a band before, we have struggled as individuals before. It is scary, it can get dark but there is a shining light. 

We know when things get bad there’s not always a way to get help, whether its fear or denial there’s still a problem to be fixed.

Thankfully, there are some great charities out there that can help. Don’t think you have to suffer in silence, no matter how small you think your trouble is. Believe us, we know what you’re thinking about, and I bet we’ve been there too.

So if you are having trouble, you need someone to talk to, you think that you’ve come to an end and can’t see any point, get in contact with a stranger, a friend, a family member, a work colleague, even someone you look up to. Anyone who will listen.

We are proud to support and recommend charities such as Anxiety UK and CALM both of whom specialise in matters like these – they do some great work and can help you when you’re at your lowest. 

It’s time for you to reach out to them, we are privileged to have some great people out there, who can listen, help and who care.

Don’t suffer, speak up!

Great bands save fans, great fans save bands.

Best wishes.


If you need to talk we are here, just connect via our socials and we will always keep a light on for you.

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